заметки на полях6 читателей тэги

Bishop’s Death Wish and Why I Think It’s the Motivation for Pmuch Every Shit-Ass Thing He Does and Also There Are OTP Feels and Maybe It Borders оn Fan Fiction a Little Bit Here and There w/ My Interpretations IDK
(I have lots of influence w/ him and he is tsundere for my PC, but this should hopefully be at least slightly illuminating regardless of how you played the game…hopefully. Also, I played as a female KC, so I’ll be using feminine pronouns when referencing the KC.)

Seriously though.

So, here we are almost at the end of this game and exactly none of us are surprised that this has occurred. He’s pretty much been telling us this is exactly the kind of thing he’s apt to do the whole game. He’s picked the winning side.

Except for all that Bishop just loves to talk about how honest he is, how he doesn’t lie to himself, WE KNOW BETTER. We know how much he struggles with self-awareness throughout the OC, we see it in a lot of his exchanges with Casavir or the KC and we see it in his actions. I think a lot of that is born out of this: he’s convinced himself that he is a self-serving survivalist who will do anything, hurt anyone if it puts him at an advantage - because Social Darwinism, survival of the fittest, bla-bla-bla - when the thing he most wants, more than anything, is TO DIE. He values freedom above all else and as we can see from some of his final lines, not to mention the stuff he says in MotB (“To forget and be forgotten - that’s paradise.”), he views death as the ultimate freedom. Life itself is a tether to him. There’s a reason he hates Duncan so fucking much, and it’s not just because of how Duncan blackmailed him. He was at the gates of paradise as far as he was concerned, a way to finally get away from all the bullshit that’s been following him around since the Luskans took him (I suspect against his will), and then this fucker has the nerve to just take that away from him? And expect recompense? Fuck that six ways from last Tuesday.

So, why the fuck is he choosing the “winning side” at the end here when clearly he wants to die?

Well, like I said, he’s not much for self-awareness. I’m fairly certain that he’s оnly partially aware of this death wish. He knows what he felt when he was dying the first time, and he knows he hates Duncan for saving him, but he isn’t entirely conscious of what that hatred means because it conflicts too harshly with his core belief structure. In Bishop’s version of Social Darwinist land, оnly the strong survive, оnly those who are willing to do whatever they have to in order to get what they want deserve it; might makes right. What if what you want, more than anything, is your own destruction? Wanting death would mean he doesn’t want to survive, doesn’t want to fight and conquer to come out оn top, which to him means he is weak. And weakness is something Bishop can’t forgive in anyone, especially not in himself. There is no way he can ever fight to take what he wants because doing so means he will die. You see how contradictory these things are? He has got some MAJOR cognitive dissonance going оn. He can’t reconcile this death wish with оne of his core principles, in which he’s invested a lot of his identity, so in order to avoid having to change what he believes to be true of the world and himself, he makes an unconscious (semi-unconscious?) decision to JUST FUCKING IGNORE IT. As far as he’s concerned оn a conscious level, switching sides at the end is an attempt to survive (or if he’s ga-ga for the KC, an attempt to free himself from the obligation of caring for someone). Except the things in our psyche we don’t know about - or have been willfully oblivious to - have a nasty way of manifesting themselves anyway.

I don’t think he truly believes Garius is оn the winning side, not in his gut. I think at this point in the game, he’s gotten a good feel for exactly the kind of person he’s traveling with. Some part of him is Genre Savvy. The Knight-Captain is a hero, the kind of mythical figure who shows up in the legends, “someone great,” and everything he could never be (there’s a lot of talk about this, some in his bugged convos, he was clearly meant as a foil to the PC and he has a lot of feels about that, “there but for the grace dick move of God go I” kind of thing). He knows how this story goes, it ends with a victory against seemingly impossible odds. His decision to leave, though he perceives it as a bid for survival/freedom/whatever, is actually, imo, the product of a realization: the KC is going to win. And if she wins, that gets him no closer to finally achieving that ultimate freedom he’ll find in death. That puts him back at the beginning.

Because really, that was the whole point to begin with. The glee with which he informs Duncan of his plan to continue traveling with you? For a Debt Detester, he sure clings stubbornly to his. “I still owe you” he says, even after Duncan apologizes and makes it clear he’s ”done more than enough” and lets him off the hook. Bishop isn’t just needlessly throwing himself into an extremely dangerous, life-threatening situation (traveling with the KC post rescuing Shandra) because he’s bored. Granted, part of it’s paranoia, he thinks Duncan has told the KC everything and they’re participating in a “family blackmail.” But what’s stopping him just killing the KC? Or Duncan for that matter, now that the debt has been repaid to Duncan’s satisfaction? Dog eat dog, kill or be killed, predator/prey, where has all that gone? Staying оn goes against everything he says he’s about. Perhaps he views it as a long hunt of the KC, he is very methodical, but again, WHAT IS THE POINT when he could just do it right off and avoid allying himself with someone he doesn’t think can win? The risks to his survival far outweigh any potential payoff. The non-existent debt he won’t let go of is just a convenient excuse. He’s doing this because he’s hoping it will kill him. Because how perfect would that be? Not оnly does he get to die, he gets to die paying Duncan back for saving his life, robbing Duncan of what Bishop sees as his victory over him. Poetic irony at its best.

Except it hasn’t worked out that way, this hopeless cause has yet to get him killed. The KC has been steamrollering every obstacle in her path. How is he supposed to die when he’s оn HER team? There’s no fucking way he’s going to just do it himself. It’s important to realize that Bishop is not suicidal оn a conscious level. Purposefully harming himself/sabotaging his survival doesn’t fit into his philosophy or the way he perceives himself. He will fight tooth and nail to stay alive under circumstances where his life is threatened, but he IS unconsciously seeking out the “apex predator,” if you will, someone who will be able to kill him no matter how hard he fights (this is why - upon examination - his choices often don’t line up with his philosophy). As far and he’s concerned, that is the оnly acceptable way to die, because you just weren’t the the biggest baddest (or smartest) predator out there. That’s not weakness, that’s just nature, “you’re always someone’s prey.” He THOUGHT it was the King of Shadows, but by the end of the game, he’s realized who the real apex predator is: the KC. So the оnly answer to this unconscious need to end his life is to pit himself against her. There may be others who could take him out оn his own, but as long as he has allied himself with the scariest kid оn the playground, he’s safe.

This is why, I think, Bishop always has some level of respect for the KC, regardless of how you play. He’s incredibly envious, mostly due to their mirror image backgrounds and the difference in the way they turned out, but he respects her for her ability. He may also hate her or not agree with her philosophy (if you play Lawful Good, for example) but he can’t deny those results, she’s won every fucking time. She is the strongest piece оn the board and for that he respects her, however grudgingly.

And if you try with him and get influence, he loves her. A whole fucking, heart-shattering,life-ruining lot. Because he is Chaotic Evil and these fuckers don’t do anything in half-measures.


So we have established that Bishop has a death wish and that it is his primary motivation for doing the things he does. His raison d’etre is to no longer etre and his final betrayal is his attempt to achieve this goal which he has been unconsciously looking for means to achieve since Duncan saved him the first time.

Enter the KC. оne who doesn’t immediately condemn him for his outlook, оne who gives credit for his competence, оne who doesn’t seem to WANT anything from him. Someone who challenges him, someone who is LISTENING to him and not dismissing him. He doesn’t fucking know what to make of that and I think it makes his sad shriveled up little heart go doki doki (which is a technical term, shut up). I mean, he offers to run off with her, long-term, in the second conversation you can have with him. Which at the time seems like a hypothetical, oh-i-was-just-bating-you-and-i-don’t-want-to-give-ground, wink-nudge-“let’s keep our options open” thing, except really it’s not.

Before he makes that decision to switch sides he asks her to run off with him again. This is clearly something was keeping in mind, something that has BEEN оn his mind and gets dredged up again when the pressure starts to build up and push the plot forward toward the inevitable conclusion of his betrayal. He sees where this is heading and he balks. Instead of just keeping his mouth shut and coming up with his backstabbing scheme in peace, he’s suggesting what he sees as an out for both of them.

IMO, it’s because Bishop has been “infected with hope,” to borrow a phrase of his from MotB (there’s a reason he equates it to a disease in that scene, Bishop and hope do not have a good history), by his burgeoning feelings for the KC. He WANTS something with her, he’s starting to see the possibility for a life with someone he respects, not a predator or prey but an equal who maybe, just maybe feels the same way. I’m not saying he changes utterly and is saved by the power of twoo wuv (obviously), he has some very deep-seated, distorted notions of how human interaction works, but I am saying that it’s a step in the right direction. He gets an inkling of a different way to see the world and the nature of relationships, an irritating piece of mind grit that he can’t quite ignore. The potential for change is there. (IIRC, he was actually meant to get a full romance arc where you could convince him to stick around or come back to your side or w/e but they cut it because of time - deadlines are the bane of Obsidian games, istg)

So at the end there, right before the final battle, right before he betrays her, he offers оne last time, for REAL, for them to run away. He gives them both an out from what he’s about to do, which, if you’ll remember, is his attempt at fulfilling that death wish of his.

BECAUSE BISHOP WANTS TO BE WITH HER MORE THAN HE WANTS TO DIE

HE WANTS TO BE WITH HER MORE THAN HE WANTS TO REACH THE ULTIMATE STATE OF FREEDOM WHICH IS THE THING HE VALUES MOST IN THE WORLD

The barest possibility of some sort of life with her is more appealing to him than the realization of that goal.

That is HUGE and it runs DEEP (‘cause remember, that desire to die runs so deep he barely fucking knows it’s there).

And she has to say no because railroading because she’s in too deep, there’s too much at stake, or just plain stubbornness. Also, I think, just a lack of understanding about the gravity of that offer.

And he fucking knew this would happen.

She’ll save the world, she’ll be the hero, the legend, the savior of Faerun and he will just keep being Bishop.

And how could Bishop ever be with someone like that, who lives in that world and, in his estimation, will never be able to escape that legend and all the expectations and obligations that come with it (“The more you do, the less free you get”)? He can’t see a life for them in that future, not with how fucked his head is, how distorted his worldview, it just does not compute under those circumstances. Because he’s free and she’s not and there’s no way to bridge that gap. To an extent he has the same problem that Casavir does, he has a construction in his head of who the KC must be and the path she must conform to because of what she is. The possibility she could deviate from that doesn’t enter his mind.

So of COURSE he betrays you, it’s not just selfishness or a deathwish if he’s in love with the KC, it’s also resignation, a regression. Everything really is hopeless bullshit, option B was never really an option, so he chooses death.

And it works, really. I mean even after his betrayal you can at least convince him not to fight you, with a diplomacy/influence check I think, which is him tripping over that cognitive dissonance we were talking about before. In trying to accomplish his goal of freedom he made himself someone’s lackey and he can’t logic his way out of that оne, or just ignore the PC, if they have enough influence. I think he decides there will be other chances to face the KC, or maybe he just reaches a point where he’s so confused and upset by it all he just says “fuck everything” and extricates himself from the situation. Or, who knows, maybe he changed his mind there at the end and we just never get to find out because as we all know, Rocks Fall, Everybody Dies. I suspect his typical bad attitude at the wall in motb is оnce again a mechanism to disguise his own fear and despair. He wants to die, yes, but оnly because оne way or another he’s accepted оnce and for all that that’s all there is for him. And he’s afraid, for all his bravado in the face of that slow torturous decay he’ll face in the wall.

I think probably what gets me the most about Bishop is that he was a character who wasn’t entirely irredeemable but circumstances made that impossible. Ibmean, I have my own headcanons about what happens after motb but as it stands in canon that’s just what happened. You can’t save everyone. You just can’t.

fuck everything

#THIS HAS BEEN MY OTP SINCE I WAS THIRTEEN #I AM SICK OF LOOKING AT THIS MONSTER TAKE MY FEELS AWAY #NEVERWINTER NIGHTS 2 #NWN2 #BISHOP #WHAT IS LIFE WHAT IS DEATH WHAT IS MEANING #HOW AM I FINDING THIS MUCH IN A CHARACTER FROM THIS GAME? #AMY USED READ INTO IT #IT'S SUPER EFFECTIVE #META